Maybe it’s on the ventilator, but it is not dead. It’s something commonly thrown around these days that it either is dead, or that it should be. Which sentiment you share probably depends on what’s between your legs. I don’t believe either statement. I think deep down, most people don’t either.
If you look around it still happens all the time. Maybe not as much as it used to or should, but you will still see doors being held. Often it is still ladies first, even if there are quite a few less “ladies”. These are things that are engrained in our nature. When men drop chivalry it is usually due to an outside force, or they feel it isn’t “worth it”. I don’t believe either of these are acceptable, or that many men accept a lack of chivalry in themselves at all.
Women lament the “loss” of chivalry, and point to it as a sign that the common man has been degraded from his former self in prior times. That last part might actually true, but it’s not just men. We’ve entered a vicious circle, where each gender is pushing the other to new lows endlessly. The degradation is slight, but steady, spiraling lower and lower. So yes, the common man might be a lesser man than he was, but that’s not the whole story.
Around The Sphere there has been talk going back for some time that the time for chivalry has long passed, and that it is a mindset better left behind. Then sometime soon after there will be discussion on how we need to get back to the patriarchal days of old. Well gentlemen, that can only begin with us. Patriarchy can’t just be about having the power, it has to be about using it responsibly. Ultimately it is a service, and a sacrifice more than a privilege. That is what is at the heart of true chivalry, and it is about a lot more than holding doors.
Where in you the chivalry comes from, and how you express it is what matters. The word these days invokes images of white knighting and creepy guys believing that it’s the way into a woman’s heart. I’m going to tell you right that it is not either of those things, and that they are actually quite offensive to the idea of true chivalry. That is because these are selfish acts and true acts of chivalry are magnanimous. Think of it as a display of excess. Your shit is so in check that you have the time, attention, and resources to stop and help someone else for absolutely nothing expected in return.
This not all to say that you should never benefit from the outcomes of your chivalry, but if there is one thing in your life that you are truly outcome independent in, it should be this. The ability to walk down he street knowing you are capable of doing random good is a feeling no man should miss out on. This isn’t becoming a door mat, but doing things in which the reward is in the doing of the act itself, everything else is just icing.