Tag Archives: Cheating

The Bastard Chronicles: Caught! Part I

Previous Installment

I don’t know how the typical affair progresses; I can only speak from my experience. Which is this: it progresses fast! Once the ball is rolling of course. That is probably what the biggest variable is; how long from meeting initially, to romantic interest, to sexual relationship. After that though, I can’t imagine how it can be anything but breakneck velocity. It’s too exciting, too easy to be caught up in it all. After all we’re not just talking about sex, that’s merely cheating; this is an affair.

Our secret world expanded exponentially after first physical contact. You can become so resourceful when facilitating an affair. Lies, excuses, anything to further the tryst. An addiction to a person is incredibly powerful. So it’s not at all surprising that I was scheming was to have more time, and to find somewhere to meet outside of work. That opportunity arose, and setting the plan in motion, I came up with all the proper excuses ahead of time to get myself out of the house and relatively unreachable for a few hours.

I picked her up and we nervously headed to our rendezvous. Despite so much conversation between us before, there was little said on the way there. We were both tense being somewhat in public together. The walls came down after we were alone at our destination, safely behind a locked door. If we were falling before, after this we had truly abandoned all signs telling us to turn back. Head first we went. As my plans up until now kept resulting in me getting what I wanted over and over again I began to feel a bit invincible. Well, more than a bit. I was walking around feeling like the fucking man, and how could anyone not know it? Rules? Not for me. Fuck all that. Of course you can be invincible for only so long.

The night after our little escape from real life, we emailed each other non stop into the late evening. Disbelief and euphoria over the day’s events the primary topics. At a certain point she stopped returning my emails, and I figured she must have gone to sleep, so I followed suit, few hours remaining until I had to wake for work in the morning. I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach about her lack of final response, but I didn’t worry too much. We had set up rules to be followed explicitly to minimize the risks we taking (how fucking foolish we were). I soon drifted off to sleep, still on a high from the sex filled afternoon. Her night was much different from mine, as I would soon learn.

The morning was much like any other. It was cool, but had that feeling in the air that hinted at the hot day to come. My slight unease from the night before grew as I checked my secret email account and found my inbox empty. Receiving emails from her had become very consistent from at least some point during the night, every night. Still, I shrugged it off, and prepared for work. I was nearly there when I received an email. “Hey call me as soon as you get this.” Ominous. I found her contact in my phone and called immediately. As soon as the line was picked up I knew. I knew I wasn’t going to hear her voice. And I didn’t.

The Bastard Chronicles: Genesis

Previous Installment

The beginning is always a good place to start right? I don’t know that I will consistently stay chronological in writing about this, but some back story is called for. I’ll start by saying I didn’t consider myself in the game when this all began. I liked to say I kept one foot in, but mostly sat on the bench and coached the starters. Call it the mentality of a caged wolf.

Perhaps that’s something worth discussing briefly as well, or maybe even more later. Being a married man you end up being around a lot of other married men, just how it happens. Separate into your own herd, right? Or so we’re told it should be. The problem is herds are for sheep and not all men are so. Not even the married ones. Actually upon thinking about this a little, I will definitely be writing out some thoughts about it.

Back on track. On the bench, and all that. Well what could be seen as a problem with that mentality is that even if you’re on the bench you still are always thinking about the game. It’s not necessarily bad for a marriage; it keeps a man aware of attraction and I think much of what Athol talks about could apply if you’re only talking theoretical up until the point that the marriage is truly over.

I may have only been dimly or subconsciously aware of the line I was crossing. No, shit, fuck that. I fully fucking knew what I was doing. Not the full force of what the small decisions I was making would lead to, but I saw her, I knew what I wanted, and I put myself in a better position to have it. Naturally I added her on Facebook.

Let me just say now that this was before I knew “game principles” as taught around the ‘sphere. I acted strategically as seemed best at any given time, and generally this always worked for me. However any sort of strategy I may have thought to use in this situation went clearly out the window as we became more wrapped up in each other.

Marriages naturally have their ups and downs. Some of the downs last a long time, and no matter what you do, how good of a captain you are, some things you truly have no control over. The emotional disconnect that can occur in those long marital depressions can easily be underestimated. As a married man (especially when still on the blue pill) you expect that connection to be a part of your life. My thirst for it was immense, but completely unknown to me until this point in my life.

After finding out her full name through somewhat dubious means (a bit stalker-ish, but legit), saying fuck it, and clicking that add friend button on Facebook I waited to see how my first gamble would pay off. The next day I received two notifications: one that she had accepted my request, and two a message from her. Progress already I thought. Except that message was a warning that she nearly ignored my request, but was going against her better judgement and accepting it. Narrow victory, but victory nonetheless. Fortune favors the bold, right?

Boldness I had, but now it was time to indulge the stalker in me. Time to browse the photos of course. It wasn’t long until I stumbled onto one that changed it all for me. A switch flipped in my brain that brought the desire to fuck her directly to the forefront. This wasn’t your typical look-at-me Facebook snapshot you’ve seen a thousand times, yet it wasn’t really inappropriate either. Obviously I can’t show you all, so you’ll have to let your imaginations do some work for you.

It wasn’t too long until we were talking. A lot. A hell of a fucking lot. It was the beginning of summer, and our conversations punctuate every memory of it. It would be easy to say we hadn’t done anything yet, but of course we had. The emotional infidelity came hard and fast, and we both knew the road we were running down. It’s truly your classic example. The talking, the finding ways to briefly see each other, the careful avoidance of actually touching one another. The buildup was intoxicating.

We hastened down this path, and knowing this I began to strategize how I would push things to a more physical level. Logistics are always important in the game, but when we’re talking affairs they are not only incredibly important, but also incredibly difficult. While I’m pondering this one morning I receive a message from her asking me to meet her out somewhere. A quick excuse and I’m out the door.

The tension was immediately apparent, and I knew this was another turning point. Whatever she had to tell me had to be significant, but I could never have predicted what this conversation held for me.

Next Installment

The Bastard Chronicles: Addendum

My last post was an introduction to something I would like write a lot more about. It’s extremely personal, and understandably a bit controversial. The topic itself is something that is talked about relatively frequently, but not often from the perspective of someone right in the middle of the hurricane.

Along the way I made many mistakes, but few regrets. My plan is to write about it once a week. If I have enough readers I’m sure writing about this will generate some questions. I will do my best to answer the ones worth answering.

The Bastard Chronicles

I tend to think my perspective here is a relatively unique one. Yes, yes everyone thinks they’re a “special snowflake”. But no really, I haven’t read anything yet coming from the quite the same place as myself. I have talked about having kids and being a father, but what I haven’t disclosed is one of my children is a bastard. Not the usual way these days either; we are married, just not to each other.

I know I’m not the only one, but I’m certain I’m one of very few who will be talking about it like this. See, I feel there’s a lot to learn here. A lot that can be shared with my fellow man. And I don’t just mean sage advice such as “don’t do it” because that’s not what I’m going to tell you.

Infidelity is always going to be a hot topic, and it’s something that plays a part in almost everyone’s life at some point. I know my own is going to have far reaching implications that I can’t even begin to foresee yet. If your everyday actions have a ripple effect on other peoples’ lives, then something like this is the wake behind a cargo ship.

It’s something I’ve personally learned a great deal from. About life, about women, but mostly about myself. Causing pain to nearly everyone you care for can really make you look at yourself and the relationships you maintain. Many of the women in my life would like to believe what I learned in that introspection is a lesson in controlling my bad behavior. The hypocrites tried to make me a surrogate for their own shame.

It was something I bought into for a time, letting myself feel exactly as horrible as many around me expected and desired me to be; any slight display of happiness extinguished with extreme prejudice. I can only be thankful for their vicious deconstruction of me, because it presents a rare opportunity.

Picking up the pieces and rebuilding myself stronger makes them hate me even more, but now I revel in it. When I’m not around they love to hate me, and when I am around they hate that they love me. It’s a fantastic lesson in preselection and just how powerful dominant masculine frame is when coupled with charisma.

As much as I’ve learned there’s much more still. I walk a line somewhere between Athol and Roissy, with any and all advice needing a slightly different interpretation for my purposes. This journey is young and the road is long.

Next Installment

Everyone is Available

It’s not uncommon to hear “everyone has their price”, but it’s more common to hear any random individual’s list off things they would never do. It doesn’t take a lot of observation of human behavior to discover that list is mostly self-comforting bullshit.

If everyone has their price, isn’t it better to know what your price is? Any one person’s values they claim to hold are entirely dependent upon the situation in which they are being applied. That’s why a pacifist is a dumbfuck. “I would never take a human life.” No, fuck that, the right answer is: “I would never take another human life unless dot dot dot” Anything less than that and a person is lying to themselves.

Of course that’s just one obvious example. More enjoyable are the implied lies we see all time in interpersonal relationships. Most are expected like the lazy fat fuck complaining about co-workers not pulling their weight. Or the mother judging any and every other parent not in earshot while she sends her kids off to mom and dad’s every weekend (plus Tuesdays) so she can author the next issue of Pump & Dumped Weekly. My favorite, however, are the gossip whores raining fire and brimstone down upon known or suspected cheaters.

I work in a building with a lot of people in it at any given time, and being pretty social I know and talk to many of them. I can’t name but a small handful of people that are really truly single. Everyone is attached somehow, so almost any new relationship started is at the expense of the current one. Or not. Maybe keep a couple going at the same time. That’s cool too. The point is, depending on your point of view almost anyone could be painted by the broad cheating brush.

Most relationship origin stories I hear start with something like: “Well, I was kinda sorta seeing so-and-so when we met.” That so-and-so was boy/girlfriend of two and half years. They had a dog and an apartment together. Female listeners at the story’s conclusion will say something like: “Wow, what an amazing story, you’re so lucky you finally found who you’re supposed to be with!” Male listeners if the storyteller is female will nod and secretly start plotting.

I see nothing wrong with the above scenario. Human nature. That’s just life, but it’s undeniably cheating. Once past the short statute of limitations and given the proper fairy tale frame it’s completely socially acceptable. What’s not acceptable is anything other than serial “monogamy” (contradictory when there’s overlap) and nice guys patiently waiting for women to step off the carousel.

So back to those gossip whores. I love it because I know the truth. I know what they’ve done. Maybe not always specifically, but when I look in their eyes and for that brief moment they falter, I know.