Category Archives: Observations & Insight

Senseless Death

I see a lot of death. Where I work I’m around it all the time and rarely does it ever effect me. It just doesn’t touch me, because I know why. I know why it happened and it just makes sense. Noncompliant diabetics, cardiac patients who decide to stop taking their meds, fat fucks who can’t breath, alcoholics in liver failure; they all have a logical reason for happening, and I just am not emotionally effected by their passing. I’ve also seen enough of long term care to understand that after a certain point death really is a release.

I see these things day in and day out and it’s easy to be numb to death. It just stops being a tragedy. The thing about that is that obviously not all deaths are like the examples above, and every once in awhile one comes along that just hits me hard. It’s not like I don’t know it’s inevitably coming, but it’s still always a surprise. My night started off quietly with few patients and plenty of time to enjoy the little bit of drama concerning UMan and Kenny, but it took a very quick and abrupt turn. Well… Onto the next one.

It’s Just Everywhere!

Despite my obvious misogynistic leanings, I believe I give a fair look at things often enough. I don’t hate women, and I believe for the most part they should be treated well; just as well as any person should be. Ties into my thoughts on chivalry and all that. But fucking hell, the anti-male stuff out there can just burn me up sometimes.

I don’t mean the usual writings you find on feminist blogs, “news” sites, and the like. No I mean something much more grievous; much more detrimental to society and the fabric of relations between men and women. Something that begins so young and is so insidious. I am talking of course about children’s literature.

If you don’t have children, or any interest in them, I’m about to lose you on this, I understand. For those that do, let’s start right in with what one of my kids is really into right now: The Berenstain Bears. My oldest loves it; can’t get enough of it. I hate it! Which is a shame, because I loved the books as a child, and now I feel like I shouldn’t even have them in my home.

Papa bear is portrayed as a bumbling idiot, who is basically another cub for Mama Bear to watch after. Always irresponsible and often the cause for the all the trouble to begin. Basically he’s always fucking up. Then Mama Bear has to come in and lay down some discipline on him and the cubs, getting everyone in line and fixing everything. Her word goes of course. Even if Papa Bear isn’t involved in the shenanigans he might know about it, but is too much of a pussy to do anything about it.

This is the family model being advocated for in our children’s literature. This is just a small example, there are thousands more. Some don’t even hide it; there’s a book actually called Daddy Does it Different that is all about how daddy’s don’t have their shit together. Anything in it that daddy does that doesn’t fuck things up is still shown as wrong because it’s not how mommy does it. This shit isn’t even subtext anymore.

I personally have taken to changing the story as I read it to keep from promoting such blatant anti-masculine propaganda to my children. This isn’t just me or men thinking this either; many mothers I know don’t want their sons to grow up to be pussy ass Papa Bears. I don’t know what the overall answer to this is, but as a father it’s disturbing how early the gears in the feminist machine start grinding.

Chivalry is Not Dead

Maybe it’s on the ventilator, but it is not dead. It’s something commonly thrown around these days that it either is dead, or that it should be. Which sentiment you share probably depends on what’s between your legs. I don’t believe either statement. I think deep down, most people don’t either.

If you look around it still happens all the time. Maybe not as much as it used to or should, but you will still see doors being held. Often it is still ladies first, even if there are quite a few less “ladies”. These are things that are engrained in our nature. When men drop chivalry it is usually due to an outside force, or they feel it isn’t “worth it”. I don’t believe either of these are acceptable, or that many men accept a lack of chivalry in themselves at all.

Women lament the “loss” of chivalry, and point to it as a sign that the common man has been degraded from his former self in prior times. That last part might actually true, but it’s not just men. We’ve entered a vicious circle, where each gender is pushing the other to new lows endlessly. The degradation is slight, but steady, spiraling lower and lower. So yes, the common man might be a lesser man than he was, but that’s not the whole story.

Around The Sphere there has been talk going back for some time that the time for chivalry has long passed, and that it is a mindset better left behind. Then sometime soon after there will be discussion on how we need to get back to the patriarchal days of old. Well gentlemen, that can only begin with us. Patriarchy can’t just be about having the power, it has to be about using it responsibly. Ultimately it is a service, and a sacrifice more than a privilege. That is what is at the heart of true chivalry, and it is about a lot more than holding doors.

Where in you the chivalry comes from, and how you express it is what matters. The word these days invokes images of white knighting and creepy guys believing that it’s the way into a woman’s heart. I’m going to tell you right that it is not either of those things, and that they are actually quite offensive to the idea of true chivalry. That is because these are selfish acts and true acts of chivalry are magnanimous. Think of it as a display of excess. Your shit is so in check that you have the time, attention, and resources to stop and help someone else for absolutely nothing expected in return.

This not all to say that you should never benefit from the outcomes of your chivalry, but if there is one thing in your life that you are truly outcome independent in, it should be this. The ability to walk down he street knowing you are capable of doing random good is a feeling no man should miss out on. This isn’t becoming a door mat, but doing things in which the reward is in the doing of the act itself, everything else is just icing.

The Hospital Sandbox

There are certain institutions in society where the normal rules and rituals offer just a faint overlay and are bent, broken, or disregarded entirely. Instead there are a kind of house rules that are more prominent, more influential in governing actions and interactions. Lite versions of this idea are found in any workplace or regular gathering of people. Certain sectors however, such as schools, the military, and hospitals take this to the point of nearly being their own society where society proper’s limits are regularly pushed to extremes. So the stage is set for me to see how much shit I can get away with.

Dannyfrom504 (whose blog I have been enjoying lately) works within a hybrid of two of these societies, and I admit to being curious how they mesh and interact. I tend to imagine that the military aspect would add some beneficial discipline and an orderliness with set ranks that doesn’t really exist in the civilian sector. But then nearly every interaction I’ve had in dealing with the nearest Army hospital has been totally fucked, so who knows.

Civilian hospitals are a social sandbox. Millionaire cardiologists, housekeepers, cubicle monkeys, IT dorks, HR cunts, intensivists, and oh yeah nurses. So many fucking nurses. In any given shift i might interact with any or all of these people. I say it’s a sandbox because the natural hierarchy you might expect just doesn’t exist, and in these interactions nearly anything goes.

I’ve always been pretty bold, but red pill social awareness is like a superpower here. Everyone might be in the sandbox, but that awareness not only lets you see the sandbox, it gives you a bucket and shovel. Especially in such a female dominated industry. The other men usually fall into two categories: big egotistic personalities (usually a front), and pushovers who are often unabashedly effeminate. What more favorable conditions could you ask for?

Being a dominant man in this woman’s world offers a very unique perspective. It doesn’t take much to be accepted into their circle, though it’s not exactly a full member position. That’s reserved for the the “men” willing to fully sell out on their masculinity. With this position you can really see the common woman’s dual nature at work. Talking amongst themselves you might easily think any given group of these women are the biggest femicunts in existence. But drop in the most blatantly misogynistic comment you can think of and watch the transformation. Often they won’t just find it humorous, but actually agree. In front of other women; that part is significant.

TV shows only hint at what really happens in these buildings. Like society at large many of it’s members walk around a bit naive about what is actually happening, but there is a high percentage of participants in the debauchery. Guaranteed every night someone in that building is fucking. Sometimes it’s me. Actually compared notes with a coworker and she had been fucking somebody in one the same places I had been using. Doubtful we were the only ones.

That’s just scratching the surface. I mean we’re talking about a building with hundreds of educated professionals working in it at any given time who show up for work basically in pajamas (scrubs). How could the situation not be fundamentally skewed some how? It’s an alternate reality.

Caged Wolves

In my latest Bastard Chronicles installment, I talked briefly about wolves, sheep, and how they handle captivity and coexistence with each other; noting also that I want to write more on it. Put most simply there really isn’t a lot to it. Some men are wolves, some are sheep, and how they handle situations will be very much be influenced by that. Of course, it’s the behavioral observations that are most interesting and add the complexity.

If you have ever been around a “domesticated” wolf you have seen one of the most intensely loyal companions. Canine or otherwise. Their pack instinct is still so strong that as long as you are still found worthy as the wolf’s alpha it will be the most unhesitating being on this planet willing to die for you. While a man should of course be his own “alpha” the analogy I draw from this is about the connection.

Who cares really about a sheep’s trust? Its truly quite worthless. Its given away so easily and readily. Can this even be described as loyalty at all? Does a member of the flock care on any deep level about the other sheep? Compare this to the wolf pack. Smaller and tight knit, every member proven, tested, and worthy. This is part of the reason why I keep very few friends. What does friendship with sheep offer? Acquaintances I have many; probably a few too many for my tastes really. A good number of them think we’re friends, but I keep my inner circle real tight.

The interesting thing that happens in relationship land is that you are placed in more social settings where they are expected to coexist nicely. We all know how it is at work; that’s work, we put up with dipshits and fucktards all the time so we can handle our business, provide and all that. It’s in relationships that we are thrust into situations that it can feel truly intolerable. Common examples are the sister’s boyfriend, her friends’ husbands, the dad, the brother, the childhood friend, various cousins.

The reason these men are so hard to tolerate is our nature knows that it’s wrong. It’s grotesque to look upon. If that is their happiness then more power to them, I won’t be the one to tell them otherwise. Happiness is completely and utterly subjective to the given person, and advice would fall upon deaf ears regardless.

The way to handle this is to make it about science. Call it social observation; people can be interesting animals. I see these men as like some kind of floating sea creature that just latches onto the first surface he comes into contact with. Simple and unevolved, they just don’t know any better.

What’s encouraging is people aren’t necessarily so simple. While true change in a man can be extremely rare, it’s something that nearly everyone is capable of. Many of us are trying and finding quantifiable success with it. This is another instance of where the example you set matters more than your words. Every once in a great while that example may lead one of these men toward the red pill.


Saying we all have a dual nature is really just a beginning. In reality its multifaceted. We act one way with our friends, another at work, another with our family, another with our love interests, and a whole different way completely when we’re alone. Some facets line up more congruously than others, but they all have their discrepancies.

So when we try define ourselves which “self” do we use? Which is the most true? Or is it bits and pieces from each? I have read that the quality humans find most attractive is symmetry. While what I read was referring to how we perceive beauty in people, is there a way we can attain more symmetry in our lives?

The incongruities can wear on us as we change our masks throughout the day. The bigger the difference the more taxing it is. It comes from the little lies we tell to make all the pieces seem to fit nicely together, because we want to seem like our entire personality spanning across our entire lives is completely congruous with itself. In fact we are the best at believing our own lies. Our need for that congruity is so great that despite having perfectly functioning memories, we will begin to believe those little lies that add up.

The range of these lies is immense. Their power immeasurable in our lives and the lives of those around us. They can make you believe something about someone else to keep your own version of yourself intact in your mind. That idea or belief about another person becomes fact in your mind. How much influence do you have over that person? Maybe they begin to believe it as well. This insidious path all begins with a person trying to keep their own record of themselves straight. It’s more common that you might think; it has played out in some way in nearly every marriage and long term relationship.

I speak from what some may consider extreme personal experience. While it may be extreme, it’s not unique. The function it has served is making me aware to it. Part of the red pill is maintaining your frame, but how well do we even know our frame? How many “frames” do we have? We all have to wear different hats at different points in our life, that’s the nature of it. And while I don’t know that the congruity in and of itself can cause happiness, I know for a fact it can cause unhappiness.

Ignoring the Big Picture

Most topics we read about on blogs are about society’s problems. It’s only natural to want to discuss these problems, air them out, and get feedback. Multiple perspectives can help you look at a problem differently and discover solutions you might not otherwise see. Besides that sometimes its good to vent to like minded people.

Where we all can go astray when trying to make positive changes in our lives is getting caught up on the problem itself. We get angry that the problem exists in the first place. Then we start to look at the bigger picture and we see it happening everywhere, driving our fury even further. Considering that big picture and acknowledging our anger is important, but needs to be put aside sometimes when working on our individual problems.

If the natural state of society is patriarchal, then it’s easy to understand how we become focused on its broad and sweeping conflicts. We consider them our responsibility. Men used to be considered ultimately responsible for any and all actions of their wife and children. As the leader of his clan everything fell back onto him. He was accountable to society and his family was accountable to him. That contract has long been breached. By all parties. I would argue the biggest issue isn’t women, but “men” whose only claim to their gender is having a penis.

So our internal programming tells us to fix shit. It’s not hard to notice the societal problems which are shit that must be fixed. The connection that we have to make is worrying about those problems in their entirety will only serve to add to them. The next important connection to make is that many of them are the sum of our smaller problems. The big picture is incredibly important to us as men, but what’s more important to you as a man?

The state of current affairs pissing you off? You want to do something about? Make things better? Make yourself better. Push yourself more in the gym, eat better, dress better, read, do something creative. Society doesn’t improve you, you improve it. Be a better man and you are doing your part.

Feminized (autocorrect tried fixing this to “age unisex” how apt) society pissing you off? Good! Live your life like a man in spite of all that shit and you’ve achieved a true victory. Earlier generations like to reminisce about how things used to be. How men used to act. Well that’s no achievement when it’s choice number one. Do it now and you’ve earned something.

Are We Legend?

What I love about reading is finding the parallels between the literature and reality. Obviously non-fiction draws these parallels quite clearly usually, or asks you in some way to look for them. Some fiction has very apparent connections to real world events or topics, but often times there’s a correlation that isn’t obvious or wasn’t even intended by the author.

I recently read “I Am Legend” which of course is quite firmly fiction. It was a good quick read, but still had a nice pace, good development of its main character, and an interesting message at the end. Not surprisingly the book and the movie are two very different stories. Spoilers ahead.

Written by Richard Matheson, and published in 1954, it has aged surprisingly well. Wisely Matheson avoids nearly any references to pop culture of the time, giving the writing a timeless quality. I’ll admit for the first chapter I pictured the main character as Will Smith despite him being described as white. It’s a spin on vampire tales combining post apocalyptic and zombie elements (before they were cool).

The majority of the story depicts Robert Neville entirely on his own faced with the daily grind of an isolated life. He spends his days keeping up his solitary existence and slaughtering sleeping vampires, of which there are many. He spends his nights tortured by their awakened presence outside of his fortified house.

Now without spoiling too much, he comes to find that he is one of the last humans alive with a population of the vampires recreating society. He learns as well they fear him as they would a terrible monster for his daily slayings. He realized that what was once normal and sane and proper is now feared, is now legend.

Thinking on this further I couldn’t help but compare the theme of the book to what is often talked about around the ‘sphere: the fall of masculinity. Observing that fall is nothing new, we can see it daily. Its probably talked about daily too. But how far is it going to go?

Many think it will be a self correcting problem. That the decline will lead to a collapse that from the ashes masculinity will rise again and restore the patriarchal course of society as we know it. It’s talked about romantically almost, but the path to that point may be more worth discussing. Things have a slow way dying. Decay is a better word, tends to take longer. Especially when nearly anyone you talk to randomly out in the world is going to show quite quickly how plugged into the matrix they are. How much they love it. Maybe even how they would die for it.

How far will this Stockholm Syndrome go? Masculinity is already often seen as the antithesis to all this good and proper in the world. How long until we’re the monsters to be feared?

Everyone is Available

It’s not uncommon to hear “everyone has their price”, but it’s more common to hear any random individual’s list off things they would never do. It doesn’t take a lot of observation of human behavior to discover that list is mostly self-comforting bullshit.

If everyone has their price, isn’t it better to know what your price is? Any one person’s values they claim to hold are entirely dependent upon the situation in which they are being applied. That’s why a pacifist is a dumbfuck. “I would never take a human life.” No, fuck that, the right answer is: “I would never take another human life unless dot dot dot” Anything less than that and a person is lying to themselves.

Of course that’s just one obvious example. More enjoyable are the implied lies we see all time in interpersonal relationships. Most are expected like the lazy fat fuck complaining about co-workers not pulling their weight. Or the mother judging any and every other parent not in earshot while she sends her kids off to mom and dad’s every weekend (plus Tuesdays) so she can author the next issue of Pump & Dumped Weekly. My favorite, however, are the gossip whores raining fire and brimstone down upon known or suspected cheaters.

I work in a building with a lot of people in it at any given time, and being pretty social I know and talk to many of them. I can’t name but a small handful of people that are really truly single. Everyone is attached somehow, so almost any new relationship started is at the expense of the current one. Or not. Maybe keep a couple going at the same time. That’s cool too. The point is, depending on your point of view almost anyone could be painted by the broad cheating brush.

Most relationship origin stories I hear start with something like: “Well, I was kinda sorta seeing so-and-so when we met.” That so-and-so was boy/girlfriend of two and half years. They had a dog and an apartment together. Female listeners at the story’s conclusion will say something like: “Wow, what an amazing story, you’re so lucky you finally found who you’re supposed to be with!” Male listeners if the storyteller is female will nod and secretly start plotting.

I see nothing wrong with the above scenario. Human nature. That’s just life, but it’s undeniably cheating. Once past the short statute of limitations and given the proper fairy tale frame it’s completely socially acceptable. What’s not acceptable is anything other than serial “monogamy” (contradictory when there’s overlap) and nice guys patiently waiting for women to step off the carousel.

So back to those gossip whores. I love it because I know the truth. I know what they’ve done. Maybe not always specifically, but when I look in their eyes and for that brief moment they falter, I know.

Nutritional Peer Pressure

I’m a bigger than average guy. I take lifting and nutrition seriously. I generally am not one to start conversations about nutrition, but if the topic comes up I’m going to express my opinions, and try to share some of what I’ve learned since I had made the decision to be pursue better health and fitness several years ago.

So among those in my circle, to include my coworkers, my methods are well known. They often see me eat a couple pounds of lean meat within a single shift, and snack on nuts or have a protein shake. Shitty food is always around and they are always looking for ways to bring in more of it. I don’t eat it, just no interest.

Today the shitty meal of the day is a lunch catered by a local Italian restaurant. Nothing I’ll eat, but I brought my own food, so no big deal. But despite knowing my eating preferences (which I never force on them), jokes ensue about how many pounds of lasagna I’ll eat, and if anyone else will get any.

They were all good guesses, but the answer is none. I don’t care about the joking, I do eat a lot. However after not partaking in the shared trough of slimy pasta the attempted shaming begins. Good luck trying to make me feel bad about eating well! And consider the source: mostly women who may have been on six different “diets” in as many months (not really saying women are worse in this all too common nutritional shaming protocol, I just don’t work with many men).

I think what I take from this is there’s a tipping point where peer pressure stops being pressure to conform, but pressure to stay your course. My four chicken breasts taste especially good today.