Duality

Saying we all have a dual nature is really just a beginning. In reality its multifaceted. We act one way with our friends, another at work, another with our family, another with our love interests, and a whole different way completely when we’re alone. Some facets line up more congruously than others, but they all have their discrepancies.

So when we try define ourselves which “self” do we use? Which is the most true? Or is it bits and pieces from each? I have read that the quality humans find most attractive is symmetry. While what I read was referring to how we perceive beauty in people, is there a way we can attain more symmetry in our lives?

The incongruities can wear on us as we change our masks throughout the day. The bigger the difference the more taxing it is. It comes from the little lies we tell to make all the pieces seem to fit nicely together, because we want to seem like our entire personality spanning across our entire lives is completely congruous with itself. In fact we are the best at believing our own lies. Our need for that congruity is so great that despite having perfectly functioning memories, we will begin to believe those little lies that add up.

The range of these lies is immense. Their power immeasurable in our lives and the lives of those around us. They can make you believe something about someone else to keep your own version of yourself intact in your mind. That idea or belief about another person becomes fact in your mind. How much influence do you have over that person? Maybe they begin to believe it as well. This insidious path all begins with a person trying to keep their own record of themselves straight. It’s more common that you might think; it has played out in some way in nearly every marriage and long term relationship.

I speak from what some may consider extreme personal experience. While it may be extreme, it’s not unique. The function it has served is making me aware to it. Part of the red pill is maintaining your frame, but how well do we even know our frame? How many “frames” do we have? We all have to wear different hats at different points in our life, that’s the nature of it. And while I don’t know that the congruity in and of itself can cause happiness, I know for a fact it can cause unhappiness.